Metamorphosis

The Little Green Caterpillar

Do you remember your first 'moment of consciousness'?

People might have different definitions of this concept, but I can recall experiencing my thoughts and emotions for the first time at 3 years old.

I was at my great-grandmother's house when a strikingly green caterpillar perched on her windowsill caught my eye. And we were getting along just fine until he began to scrunch up and inch across the wood. Then, I was absolutely terrified and ran to my Nana.

With a laugh, she scooped up this lil critter with a reverence that confused me. She walked us outside and placed him on a nearby leaf. And suddenly, watching him crawl away wasn't so scary anymore.

This is not only my first memory, but it's the only one I have of Nana, who passed away when I was 4.

My second earliest memory happened in pre-school. At 4 years old, I vividly recall the day we released the butterflies we raised in our classroom. I can still feel my smile as I watched them break free from their confined space—the only home they'd ever known—as their wings caught the sunlight and they daringly ventured into the unknown.

I'd always wondered why these tethered moments stood out among years of an otherwise foggy childhood. I'd always wondered about the significance of my first memory (and the only one of Nana) being tied to this seemingly small echo of time.

As I grew older, I learned that everyone in my family had the utmost respect for Nana. I'm told she was a fierce, incredible woman.

Now, I finally understand the gentleness she showed the caterpillar that day. I've often contemplated the similarities between a tiny creature like him and me—how we both undergo massive transformations. Humans, too, have "tiny wings" inside us from birth, ready to emerge when the time is right.

Metamorphosis is instinctual for caterpillars, but choosing growth is our conscious decision. I think it's remarkable that humans can create their path to a higher alignment. It's the ultimate act of self-love and self-discovery.

And I like to think—whenever I'm graced with the presence of a butterfly, perhaps Nana is assuring me that I'm doing just fine on my path to reaching my potential.

Cultivating an Environment for Growth

Caterpillars spend their whole lives preparing for metamorphosis, which includes creating the perfect environment for growth. And if you think about it, humans do the same thing.

Throughout your life, you will occupy many spaces and meet many people. Sometimes, seeing which ones aren't right for you can be challenging. I believe that if you nurture your intuition, your gut will always tell you when you've outgrown a space—or that you didn't even belong there to begin with.

But I've noticed a profound sadness in accepting that something you long for isn't meant for you.

When we've grown, and our desires and needs shift, those once-comfortable spaces or people feel like wearing a sweater three sizes too small. Even if you adore and want to wear it, it's restrictive, tight, and just not right for you anymore.

And trust me, I've struggled so much to know when and how to say goodbye to people, places, and things. It's not always black and white; 50 shades of gray areas exist.

Discernment is genuinely an acquired skill.

Letting go isn't always so dramatic, though. Sometimes, we quietly realize that people and things that once tasted sweet no longer satisfy our cravings. Moving on is much easier when something is no longer desirable. Still, this shift can be confusing, especially when we've invested time and energy into a specific path.

But there is so much beauty in the art of letting go. Our most significant growth comes from acknowledging when something (or someone), once cherished, needs to be released—just like those butterflies we set free as kids.

Don't wait around, but remember: people, places, and things will always find you again if they are meant for you and the timing is right.

Growing Pains

The beginning of the caterpillar's metamorphosis is, well...gross. Once in their chrysalis, they break down their bodies into gooey caterpillar soup. ~ew~

Thankfully, human transformation isn't quite that dramatic, but it does involve a lot of shedding. And this process will be downright messy.

With newfound discernment comes the awareness of life's repetitive patterns. Even after changing your environment, encountering the same challenges is a sign of unfinished business. These cycles persist because they hold a lesson waiting to be learned.

And no, you can't just ask them nicely to stop showing up (yes, I've tried).

Do you ever feel like you're stuck in a loop? Ask yourself:

Is this a familiar, potentially problematic situation?

Are my values, boundaries, or self-worth being compromised?

What is this experience trying to teach me?

How can I break free from this cycle?

Although grueling and uncomfortable, breaking these cycles is necessary for metamorphosis. These are some of the "growing pains" that have changed my life:

Embracing Acceptance:  Letting go of resentment is so incredibly freeing. I spent years clinging to anger from past traumas. While acknowledging hardship is valid, don't be a victim. Acceptance allows us to see things as they are, not how we wish them to be, paving the way for a more fulfilling future.

Unlearning Toxic Behaviors:  Sometimes, we're mean to others for no reason other than selfishness. Other times, our actions stem from unhealed trauma. This disrupts our ability to connect with others because our attachment styles detect threats or patterns from past abandonment, neglect, and betrayal. Those who have not done the work to overcome their trauma allow it to shape their behavior. I speak from experience when I say—that will make things exhausting, and you will suck as a human. Working on your communication skills, vulnerability, regulating your emotions, and repairing damage after a conflict is vital for healthy relationships.

The Power of Grace: Forgiveness has been a lifelong struggle—forgiving myself, others, and the past. Instead of creating unrealistic expectations and harsh self-criticism, I've learned to practice grace. Just like God offers us forgiveness (for those who believe) even when we don't deserve it, extending grace to yourself and others is essential for personal growth.

The Importance of Rest: We're human, not machines. Diamonds may form under pressure, but a bowling ball under a hydraulic press gets crushed. Prioritizing rest is necessary to avoid burnout.

Practicing Gratitude: Life can be tricky. Focusing on the good and the blessings we often take for granted can shift our perspective. Find joy in small things, like a gorgeous sunset drive while listening to your favorite songs. It will remind you of the beauty in the mundane and how much you have to be grateful for.

While acknowledging my mistakes while stuck in these cycles, I also recognize that I was a small-minded caterpillar, unaware of a different path. 

Remember, change doesn't happen overnight.

Metamorphosis: the solo act

As you unravel yourself, your patterns, and your environments, a sobering realization dawns: a transformation is a solitary act.

The caterpillar spins its chrysalis, a single-occupancy pod for the dramatic unfolding. And much like the caterpillar, human growth is a solo act.

Another brutally large pill I've struggled to swallow—you can never force growth on others. 

Sharing advice, born from love and concern, is the extent of your influence. The rest is up to them. Their transformation, when it comes, needs to be authentic and self-motivated.

And it would be best if you also accepted that not everyone wants to change.

Some people may remain caterpillars, content in the familiar chrysalis of their lives—and it's not your problem.

But there is another possibility: a parallel transformation.

I remember someone once wisely telling me, "I want to grow alongside each other, not into each other." And what a beautiful thought that is—we will find people who aspire to continuously grow and build our lil protective shells in perfect alignment.

The Butterfly

Once a butterfly, the caterpillar marvels at the world he once inched his way through, realizing the boundless possibilities that awaited him. Sure, he was probably content being a caterpillar, but he can now experience people, places, and things he never would've while he was earthbound.

We can choose the comfort of being a lil caterpillar forever, but be mindful that complacency is a thief. It will block the path that is truly meant for you.

Recognize that shedding old skins—people, places, and things doesn't erase their value. They helped shape who you are and who you want to become.

As Maya Angelou once eloquently stated, "We delight in the beauty of the butterfly but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty."

Remind yourself what you have already been able to overcome, and be proud.

And always give yourself grace as you embrace the cycles of discomfort. Within them lies the potential for a magnificent flight.

Thank you for being here.

Yours Truly,

Alex