Anthropology

an·thro·pol·o·gy - (noun) the study of human societies and cultures and their development; the science of humanity

While every culture has its customs, cultures, + ways of doing things; it seems as though there is one universal language + that's love. The way that we interact with others is a true representation of who we are + our personal values. Of course, this is speaking in a sense of our overall demeanor + chronic means of communication; not circumstantial, because if there is anything concrete that I've learned about humans ~ it's that everyone you love WILL let you down at some point or another; this is simply inevitable. Humans are flawed beings. Everyone makes mistakes + we have all let someone we love down, or even been the "villain" in someone's story.

One thing I have personally struggled with for years is the ability to meet people halfway. I will wear myself so thin trying to care for others, but that's not meeting halfway. I expect others to do this for me since I would do it for them, but that's not really healthy, is it? It's important to learn how to self-soothe + give yourself the love that you try to pour into everyone else. Sometimes people are incapable of giving you everything that you need + that's okay. It may not be that they wanted to let you down; it just happened. What is important though, is how you both react to the situation. Are you looking to fight the other person + their flaws or work together to fight the problem + find a solution?

Today, we live in a society so quick to cut people off. This is fine (for the most part) because, of course, you need to do whatever will protect your peace. However, I wonder how often we have been guilty of cutting someone out of our lives who may have deserved a second chance. When evaluating your broken relationships with others, it all comes down to intent/motive.

Did this person knowingly do something to hurt you?

Is this person trying their best to care for you in whatever capacity that may be?

How did this person react when you expressed your hurt because of their wrong-doing?

Did they apologize? More importantly ~ did their actions change after your initial conversation?

My therapist + I have talked about what is called, "pacifier apologies" before. This is exactly what it sounds like; someone giving you an apology without meaningful actions to follow through ~ it's to get you to shut up + stop complaining. But what is an apology without changed behavior? The answer is nothing. These are meaningless. If the answers to the questions above are mostly a "no," this is the point at which you need to evaluate your relationship with the other person. Remember that actions always speak louder than words! It's easy to be a people-pleaser, but what makes it hard is to be authentic in your intentions + relationships. That's where most people struggle.

---

From an earthly, humanistic standard ~ no one really owes anyone anything. Regardless of what you may think or the "role" someone plays in your life, ultimately, people are free to come + go as they please.

However, let's look at our role as humans co-existing in a way that pleases God + our higher selves. In this view, we do have quite a bit of responsibility for others, how we treat them, + even how we treat ourselves.

I recently was looking through a notebook I found while unpacking boxes + found some notes from a sermon in January of 2020. This particular sermon was about love within our human relationships + with God. Pastor Dihan Lee is the lead pastor of Renew Church LA in Culver City where I was attending during my time at Pepperdine with some friends from school. I haven't been back since COVID began, but I would love to get back into a routine of going on Sundays once I get my sh!t together, lol. I have been live streaming service the last few weeks + definitely recommend checking it out! Their live stream can be found on the Renew Church LA Youtube channel Sundays at 10 am PST / 11 am PST.

This sermon from 2020 was titled, "What is our life's purpose?" What a great question that is! Let's unpack that.

According to the sermon given, the answer to this question is love. Our life purpose is found in love. Pastor Dihan said that the most fulfilled people understand how to give + freely receive love; that love redeems all we do.

I think it's really easy for Christians to get caught up in a one-on-one relationship with God + believe that this is the "end all, be all" for true salvation. I can't entirely agree with this notion. I think that our earthly experience + what we do with this precious gift of life counts for a large majority of this salvation as well.

Pastor Dihan explained that God measures our personal wellness relationally; not individually. God thinks we are doing well when we have healthy relationships with our family, church family, + the world around us.

So what exactly IS love?

Love is more than a feeling, but can we describe it as an action? The Bible defines love as a motive; one in which we value others above ourselves. One of my favorite verses mentioned in this sermon is 1 Corinthians 16:14 ~ "Let love and kindness be the motivation behind all that you do." To put it simply; love needs to be the motive, ALWAYS.

If we think of love as an action or a motive, this means that love entails doing things that you don't necessarily want to do, but know you need to for the sake of others' wellness.

God gives us the question of why we do something; not what we do. When our life purpose is about why we do something, it redeems all that we do. If the motive is pure, then it will redeem us of our mistakes. Your motive also says everything about your trust.

Pastor Dihan explained that the opposite of love is not hate, because even God hates things. The true opposite of love is selfishness; a trait that is very prevalent in today's society amongst humankind.

One thing I really liked about this sermon was Pastor Dihan's definition of sin. He said, "sin is whatever breaks your relationship between God + others." I think this is really important because it focuses on the consequences of our actions, not the actual act of sin itself.

---

When we take God (+ really morality in general) out of the equation, people are a lot less likely to be concerned with you + your needs above their own. People will do ultimately what they please + most likely your best interests will not be taken to heart.

There is also this whole mindset within our generation that you need to be alone + love yourself before you can love anyone else or before anyone can love you. I believe this is a dangerous mindset to have. No one is unworthy of love because they are struggling to love/care for themselves.

Vulnerability is such a large part of the human experience. It's difficult to let yourself open up + put your trust in people; especially if people have broken this sacred level of trust before. Additionally, self-love is a process. Especially if you have trauma due to past relationships. I'm turning 24 this month + am still struggling with perfecting this!

Overall, it is much easier to have healthy + balanced relationships when you are in a place of overpowering self-love. You are a lot less likely to put up with other people's sh!t when you have the utmost respect + love for yourself. This will help you to set boundaries + truly understand what your personal needs are when it comes to relationships with others.

One thing I have learned is to "put people in a box" so to speak. What does this look like? Putting people in a box sounds pretty intense, but let me break that down a little bit. The "box", is a boundary of sorts. Learn which of your friends are best in what kind of situation. For example, we all have those friends that we might go out + party with, but they might not necessarily be someone we call in a time of need. Keeping them in a "box" means that you only have those set expectations for that friend + don't expect anything more from them. This keeps your expectations at a minimum for your peace of mind, while also designating the roles that everyone in your life plays at a capacity that works for them + your relationship. I urge you to find out what qualities your relationships bring to different aspects of your life + put these people into their respective categories. This will give you everything you need from the people in your life, without putting too much pressure on one person to do things they may not be capable of doing.

---

The importance of community should also not be overlooked when it comes to human relationships + our needs. Every aspect of our existence exists within a "community". Whether this is your actual community/neighborhood, work, school, church, etc. there are levels of communication + boundaries that exist within each of these. It's important to establish those boundaries + understand what you are receiving from each community. Is it beneficial? Is it harmful? What are you contributing to your community? What is your community giving back to you?

With the internet, it's even easier to find community with people who have similar interests as you. Freehearted Flowerchild is a community! All of you who read my posts are a part of a community that advocates for mental health + living a (hopefully) healthy lifestyle.

On the other hand, the internet can also be dangerous to our mental health. Today's society creates a need for validation in a fake reality; social media. Nothing on social media is real. It's a portrayal of what the user wants you to see. Who would post something they don't want people to know? Secrets stay secrets + what may be "real" could possibly be an exaggeration. I once heard about a girl I went to high school with who would flirt her way into poolside cabanas at her hotels + then post pictures in it like it was hers. She did that with a lot of things; parties, cars, beaches, etc. everything I thought she had turned out to be other peoples' stuff.

Additionally, the concept of "virality" means that one is constantly under a microscope. With fame, comes massive responsibility. Everything you do is being watched by the public. Who wants that kind of pressure? Not I.

With all this being said, it's so easy still to compare yourself to others + what they may have. This is a natural part of the human experience. I've dealt with this by removing people from social media who are not living the lifestyle I want or may create feelings of jealousy from. This has helped tremendously! I also always try to treat everyone with the same amount of respect regardless of who they are, their financial status, or any other demographics that usually influence the way someone is seen by the world.

At the end of the day ~ we are all spirits having a human experience. We are all the same under the things that give us status in the world. In my beliefs, it's important to recognize that our spirituality is enhanced through our human experiences. It's super important to filter out the things in life that don't really matter, so you can make room for the things that do.

Someone told me once that we should leave people better than we found them. This is a motto that resonates with me deeply as I aim to be the best human I can + interact with those around me in a way that shows love as the motive. This can be hard to do when a lot of people may have left your life in a way that left you a little worse than how they found you. I know this is something I struggle with.

It's natural to have feelings of resentment toward someone who left you in a way that broke you. But that speaks more volumes about them than it does you. Your main focus should be taking care of yourself + doing your best. When you are trying your best, there's nothing anyone can say to bring you down. Remember that love is the motive in everything you do + I promise that karma will reward you for this ~ even if it takes a while.

Yours Truly,

Alex